I have no stamping to share with you today. Today was my friend's funeral and I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
A few days ago my friend's husband called and asked both Kevin and I to be pallbearers at the funeral with two other couples who are close friends. We were both honoured to be asked to play such an important roll in the service.
Last night I went to bed knowing that today would be a really tough day...even tougher than the day we found out she died. I woke up this morning with a pit in my stomach, but pulled it together, showered, and got ready (complete with my trusty waterproof mascara!). When I came downstairs, ALL three of my boys told me I looked pretty...so sweet. I dropped my boys off at a friend's house and proceeded to the church to meet Kevin there. He met me with a big hug in the parking lot, we both shed a few tears and he told me to be strong and that I could do this for her even though I just wanted to go home and crawl back into bed. We went in, met with the family and received our instructions. It was so sad, and I will say that the most difficult moment was when they opened the door to the hearse, we pulled out the casket and carried her into the church. The ceremony was nice. When the church service was over, we headed to the cemetery, and when we got there I realized that I was very, very wrong about the most difficult moment. That moment is actually a bunch of moments...the ones where you carry your friend from the hearse to her grave and then along with her family members place a rose on her casket and say a final good bye. Heart-wrenching sorrow was painted on everyone's tear stained faces.
I spent the rest of my day trying to remember her laugh and focus on the good memories of fun times we had together. Life goes on for the rest of us and we will now focus on creating new memories. The healing has begun and each day will get a little easier than the one before although I know it will take a long time for my feelings of grief go away.
In all of this a new friend has emerged. We knew each other a bit before, but we share so much now. What we have in common is that both of us lost a good friend and both of us had the experience of carrying our friend to her final resting place. We are both feeling the same sorrow, hurt and anger and I know we will lean on each other and heal our broken hearts together. I knew this as we stood together looking out over the coulees, shedding tears and sharing a package of kleenex as we talked about what happened, what could have been and what the future holds. Together we will look out for our friend's girls and make sure they have someone to turn to for anything they need as they begin a new chapter in their lives. I am positive that our friend, somewhere out there, had a hand in bringing us together to mourn and begin the healing process.
I'm going to close today with the same thing I said in my post after we found out she had died because I think it's so important and worth sharing again. Hug your kids tight (if you have any), tell those who mean the most to you that you love them, keep in touch with old friends, be kind and thoughtful and live with no regrets because you never know when something will happen that can change everything in an instant. Have an inspired day.